“5 Surprising Causes of Divorce (That No One Talks About)” — A Family Lawyer's Perspective

As a family lawyer & mediator, I often hear the same story: “We just drifted apart.” While many assume infidelity or financial trouble are the primary reasons couples split, the reality is often more subtle — and surprising. In this blog, I want to explore the lesser-known causes of divorce that I’ve seen repeatedly in my work, but that don’t get enough attention. Whether you're in a relationship or working with couples in crisis, these quiet warning signs are worth knowing.

1. Causes of Divorce: The Emotional Labour Gap

In many relationships, especially those with children, one partner ends up carrying most of the mental and emotional load — even if both work full-time. Think of tasks like remembering birthdays, scheduling dentist appointments, managing kids’ emotions, or buying teacher gifts.

When this work goes unnoticed or unappreciated, it leads to resentment, especially when one partner feels more like a personal assistant than an equal. Over time, emotional labour imbalances chip away at the partnership, sometimes without either party realizing what’s happening until it’s too late.

2. Causes of Divorce: Smartphone Addiction and ‘Digital Infidelity’

One of the quietest yet fastest-growing causes of relationship breakdown is the distraction caused by technology. Constant phone use during meals, scrolling in bed, or prioritizing social media interactions over in-person connection creates a slow emotional drift.

Even without sexual infidelity, many people feel betrayed by secretive behaviours like:

• Deleting messages

• Forming overly intimate online friendships

• Prioritizing screen time over couple time

This phenomenon, sometimes referred to as “micro-cheating” or digital infidelity, can trigger just as much hurt as traditional cheating.

3. Causes of Divorce: Postpartum Disconnect

Welcoming a child is a joyful event — but also a high-stress, high-risk period for separation. The postpartum phase often brings:

• Exhaustion

• Identity shifts

• Uneven parenting roles

• Loss of intimacy

One parent may feel abandoned or unsupported, while the other may feel criticized or replaced by the baby. These feelings, if not addressed, can turn into long-term disconnection.

Note: Research shows a significant spike in divorce within the first 2-3 years after childbirth.

4. Causes of Divorce: Financial Infidelity

Most people assume financial issues mean debt or overspending. But in mediation, I often uncover subtler problems like:

• Hidden bank accounts

• Secret purchases (“retail therapy”)

• Guilt spending after arguments

• Withholding financial information

This is known as financial infidelity, and like romantic infidelity, it’s rooted in secrecy and lack of trust. It’s not always about the dollars — it’s about honesty and security.

Final Thoughts: Divorce Doesn’t Always Look Like You Think

Divorce isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s the quiet neglect, the missed moments, and the unresolved frustrations that cause the deepest rifts.