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  • Writer's pictureEva DiGiammarino

How to Talk to Children About Divorce

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional experience for both parents and children. When faced with the difficult task of telling your children about the impending divorce, it's essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity, honesty, and empathy.

This blog post aims to provide parents with practical tips and guidance on how to navigate this conversation in a way that helps children understand and cope with the changes ahead.

1. Prepare Yourself Emotionally

Before having the conversation with your children, take some time to process your own emotions about the divorce. It's normal to feel sad, guilty, or anxious, but presenting a united and composed front during the conversation will help reassure your children.

2. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Find a quiet and comfortable space where your children feel safe and secure. Avoid discussing the divorce during emotionally charged moments or during significant events like birthdays or holidays. Allow enough time for the conversation, ensuring that it won't be rushed. If you and your co-parent can reasonably get along, you may want to take the children on an outing together after telling them about the divorce to get their minds off the divorce and re-emphasize that you're still a family.

3. Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

Use simple language and avoid blame or negativity towards the other parent. Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them. Remember that you do not have to justify your choice(s) to the children, nor should you confide in them about your relationship.

4. Validate Their Feelings

Children may experience a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and fear. Encourage them to express their feelings openly and validate their emotions. Let them know that it's okay to feel what they're feeling and that you are there to support them through this difficult time.

5. Answer Their Questions

Children will likely have many questions about the divorce, ranging from practical concerns to emotional ones. Given this it is recommended that parents wait to tell their children about the divorce until they know the answers to anticipated questions, such as "where will we live?", "do we have to move schools?", "where will the dog go"? etc.

6. Maintain Routine and Stability

Children thrive on routine and stability, so do your best to maintain their daily routines as much as possible. Consistency in their schedules, school, and extracurricular activities can provide a sense of security during a time of change.

Picture drawn by a child of their family
Family Picture

Telling children about divorce is undoubtedly one of the most difficult conversations a parent can have. However, with honesty, empathy, and a focus on their well-being, it can also be an opportunity to strengthen the parent-child bond and foster resilience. By being supportive, understanding, and present throughout the process, parents can help their children navigate the challenges of divorce and emerge with a sense of security and hope for the future.

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